Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Future Star

To most, it's no secret that I enjoy listening to music. But recently I've been checking out a new soundtrack in my life...by Pennie. My Future Star has been working on her first album. She calls it "Screaming Because I'm Two..." So far I'm not a fan. Yes, yes I know. I'm her mother. I should be excited about all her accomplishments and support her in her independent endeavors, but the fake whining and tears in all of these tracks I find annoying and just irritating...I'm hoping when I share these tracks, you all will take my side on this one and boycott that she doesn't proceed with recording this album (Chris Graham, don't get any ideas).  So here are the tracks she's started working on so far.  Thought I'd share with my fellow friends and parent friends. I know some of you are fans of that "SCREAM-O" music, but I believe even YOU will not be a fan of where this album is headed. 
  1. Anti Tooth Brusher: This song seems to be about her bad hygiene. Pennie hates brushing her teeth and sometimes also hates halting her current activity to bathe. Fact is Kid, I'm responsible for you. As long as you live under my roof (or you start paying the mortgage) you WILL brush your teeth and bathe. Yes, I know. Friends, you're having flash backs of my boy scout camp days when we had this game of a bath points system requiring 7 points per week to be considered clean: 3 points for taking a shower, 2 points for swimming in the pool and 1 point for the lake (I worked at the lake...7 days a week -- you do that math, GROSS!)...Do as I say, and don't do as I DID. Bath points were gross. It was a bad game. We're done talking about it. Now brush your teeth and quit crying...
    Boy Scout Proof - Now we never have to talk about this again.
  2. More Hot Don Diggy Don:  The answer is no.  NO more Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Now be quiet and move along.
  3. But I CAN chew gum: Yes, you can technically chew gum. But you also can spit it out. I'm dreading the day it ends up in your hair, your sister's hair...or the dog's hair. So give me the gum. It's not for you. Wait...where do you keep finding this stuff??? Like I said, Move ALONG!
  4. The dog has my stuff: Ohhhhhhh. Your stuff you left laying on the floor that I asked you to clean up and you didn't? I so wish it was not my problem, but listening to you scream about it is my motivator to pick up your trail before the crying becomes my prob. Not a fan of this song. It's the worst. 
  5. More Hot Don Part 2: Dude. I said no. Get over it. Go read a book or something.
  6. I hate bedtime: Oh sweet child, SO DO I! WITH A PASSION. Can't we come to some kind of agreement on this?! No one enjoys wrestling you down for 2 plus hours every night. Mama's got some awake-time-relaxing she'd like to do...without your sweaty head all over her.
  7. Happy, Happy, Happy: Ok Pharrell. You know I love you. And I also love Despicable Me 2. But your Minions need a sequel song about how you can't always get what you want. I enjoy your song Happy, but after listening to it "gen, gen..." like 39 times I'm not happy about it and my crying 2 year old is kind of an oxymoron of what your song stands for. This one is on YOU, Man. **POST EDIT** Pharrell, I apologize for my rashness above regarding your Happy Song.  I have started to realize I was a bit hard on you, after Pennie somehow discovered the very inappropriate full version video of "Gangem Style" via YouTube. I appreciate you and your success and your very kid friendly song and video of Happy.  It was Despicable of Me to think otherwise (pun intended).
  8. Mom, I want to LIVE in PJ's: Oh Honey, so do I. But refer to my comments regarding track 1. I'm responsible for you. If you don't wear clothes at least sometimes your daycare might consider that neglect. In this day and age, that is never a good thing. Now please...pull yourself together and put your pants on.  Unless you're TRYING to get me fired from being a Mom.  
There are several other songs she's been trying to finish, but I've got issues with the language (no EXPLICIT lyrics, Pennie!): "Time Out Sucks", "Mom says 'Don't say Sucks'", "But Mom says Sucks."
She's working on the above listed tracks here in her 2nd Home.

She's also put a hidden track on this album, which I think is THE WORST!  It's called "Silence is NOT Golden."  It's the longest blank track ever, which is like pure torture to any mother.  I used to love when she was a tiny, little baby and she would nap for hours and the peace and quiet was incredible.  Just sitting alone, with no one touching or sucking on me for hours was like a little piece of heaven on earth.  But now when things get quiet, it seems to be followed by the discovery of a scared dog covered in stickers, a two year old standing on the dining room table, shower gel squirted all over all the clothes in the dirty laundry basket, all the folded clean laundry mixed in with the shower gel covered dirty laundry...

I love my child(ren) dearly, and know they will accomplish great things in life, very LOUD things, very CRAZY things, very SPONTANEOUS things.  Sometimes these things drive me a little Bonky (not to be confused with the Reilly's Grandma), but I know someday we'll look back on these moments and listen to this album with tears of laughter rolling down our cheeks.  

AH! Foiled.  The post ends here since my little music artist just woke up and is screaming for a cup of "MOOK."  Love Ya'll!!