Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Future Star

To most, it's no secret that I enjoy listening to music. But recently I've been checking out a new soundtrack in my life...by Pennie. My Future Star has been working on her first album. She calls it "Screaming Because I'm Two..." So far I'm not a fan. Yes, yes I know. I'm her mother. I should be excited about all her accomplishments and support her in her independent endeavors, but the fake whining and tears in all of these tracks I find annoying and just irritating...I'm hoping when I share these tracks, you all will take my side on this one and boycott that she doesn't proceed with recording this album (Chris Graham, don't get any ideas).  So here are the tracks she's started working on so far.  Thought I'd share with my fellow friends and parent friends. I know some of you are fans of that "SCREAM-O" music, but I believe even YOU will not be a fan of where this album is headed. 
  1. Anti Tooth Brusher: This song seems to be about her bad hygiene. Pennie hates brushing her teeth and sometimes also hates halting her current activity to bathe. Fact is Kid, I'm responsible for you. As long as you live under my roof (or you start paying the mortgage) you WILL brush your teeth and bathe. Yes, I know. Friends, you're having flash backs of my boy scout camp days when we had this game of a bath points system requiring 7 points per week to be considered clean: 3 points for taking a shower, 2 points for swimming in the pool and 1 point for the lake (I worked at the lake...7 days a week -- you do that math, GROSS!)...Do as I say, and don't do as I DID. Bath points were gross. It was a bad game. We're done talking about it. Now brush your teeth and quit crying...
    Boy Scout Proof - Now we never have to talk about this again.
  2. More Hot Don Diggy Don:  The answer is no.  NO more Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Now be quiet and move along.
  3. But I CAN chew gum: Yes, you can technically chew gum. But you also can spit it out. I'm dreading the day it ends up in your hair, your sister's hair...or the dog's hair. So give me the gum. It's not for you. Wait...where do you keep finding this stuff??? Like I said, Move ALONG!
  4. The dog has my stuff: Ohhhhhhh. Your stuff you left laying on the floor that I asked you to clean up and you didn't? I so wish it was not my problem, but listening to you scream about it is my motivator to pick up your trail before the crying becomes my prob. Not a fan of this song. It's the worst. 
  5. More Hot Don Part 2: Dude. I said no. Get over it. Go read a book or something.
  6. I hate bedtime: Oh sweet child, SO DO I! WITH A PASSION. Can't we come to some kind of agreement on this?! No one enjoys wrestling you down for 2 plus hours every night. Mama's got some awake-time-relaxing she'd like to do...without your sweaty head all over her.
  7. Happy, Happy, Happy: Ok Pharrell. You know I love you. And I also love Despicable Me 2. But your Minions need a sequel song about how you can't always get what you want. I enjoy your song Happy, but after listening to it "gen, gen..." like 39 times I'm not happy about it and my crying 2 year old is kind of an oxymoron of what your song stands for. This one is on YOU, Man. **POST EDIT** Pharrell, I apologize for my rashness above regarding your Happy Song.  I have started to realize I was a bit hard on you, after Pennie somehow discovered the very inappropriate full version video of "Gangem Style" via YouTube. I appreciate you and your success and your very kid friendly song and video of Happy.  It was Despicable of Me to think otherwise (pun intended).
  8. Mom, I want to LIVE in PJ's: Oh Honey, so do I. But refer to my comments regarding track 1. I'm responsible for you. If you don't wear clothes at least sometimes your daycare might consider that neglect. In this day and age, that is never a good thing. Now please...pull yourself together and put your pants on.  Unless you're TRYING to get me fired from being a Mom.  
There are several other songs she's been trying to finish, but I've got issues with the language (no EXPLICIT lyrics, Pennie!): "Time Out Sucks", "Mom says 'Don't say Sucks'", "But Mom says Sucks."
She's working on the above listed tracks here in her 2nd Home.

She's also put a hidden track on this album, which I think is THE WORST!  It's called "Silence is NOT Golden."  It's the longest blank track ever, which is like pure torture to any mother.  I used to love when she was a tiny, little baby and she would nap for hours and the peace and quiet was incredible.  Just sitting alone, with no one touching or sucking on me for hours was like a little piece of heaven on earth.  But now when things get quiet, it seems to be followed by the discovery of a scared dog covered in stickers, a two year old standing on the dining room table, shower gel squirted all over all the clothes in the dirty laundry basket, all the folded clean laundry mixed in with the shower gel covered dirty laundry...

I love my child(ren) dearly, and know they will accomplish great things in life, very LOUD things, very CRAZY things, very SPONTANEOUS things.  Sometimes these things drive me a little Bonky (not to be confused with the Reilly's Grandma), but I know someday we'll look back on these moments and listen to this album with tears of laughter rolling down our cheeks.  

AH! Foiled.  The post ends here since my little music artist just woke up and is screaming for a cup of "MOOK."  Love Ya'll!!

Sunday, February 9, 2014

My Daughter Thinks She's a DOG!

First off, I feel the need to start my post by saying I'm sorry for not publishing more blog posts in the last year.  My life has become a whirlwind of Working Mom, raising a child and tending to life's crazy curveballs, rather than reverting to my old ways of putting my feet up, drinking coffee in silence, while screwing around online and posting blogs...Trust me, I'm still "blogging" just my genius posts are being written in my head only and not converted into a digital format [sigh].

Anyways, so far some of the most fun adventures of Momhood that has brought snorting laughter into our living room (or CHORTLE-ing as Eleanor from Brave might say) has been watching Pennie infiltrate herself into our pack of two dogs.  It only took about a year and a half, but I think she has finally been sworn into the herd.  

So here we will begin our Top 5 Reasons we know Pennie believes she's a dog:

1.  She Wears Her Hair Like a Sheepdog:
Since Pennie was a wee lass, she has never been a fan of her hair being pulled back, tied up or even brushed for that matter.  Back in her bald days, this didn't much matter.  But since she has recently, accummulated more fluff on her mane, she refuses to let it be pulled out of her face.  I fought it for a while, trying to trick her into a hair tie, but she ended up just ripping her own hair out to get the ponytail off of her head.  Pennie Dog Wins.

2.  She Can't LIVE Without Her Hat with EARS:
Baby P never used to be a fan of hats.  Since she was born a fall-ish/winter baby, and I was a new Mother, we tried extra hard to keep her warm.  She'd be dressed in those furry bears suits or cozy sleepers all the time, but the trick to keeping her warm was making sure her head was covered.  We sure had a dickens of a time trying to keep a hat on her head. Once her brain figured out how to move that arm up to her head, all hats were off for Baby Pennie...until the BEAR HAT!  Seriously, we have exact hats with the same concept, furry fleece wrap-arounds that velcro under the chin.  She could give two craps about any of them, except the one with ears...she puts it on and literally chases the dogs around the living room.  Ha-Ha-LARIOUS. 
Photo Cred: Auntie Ev

3.  She LOVES Playing with Sticks:
In all forms.  Anything stick-like, this kid loves.  She'll drag it around the house, chew on it, sit on it and then start squealing if you try to take it away from her.  Broomsticks, Icescrapers, Curtain rods (don't ASK what our curtain rods were doing on the floor), Cardboard tubes (Yes. We save trash now, because our child would rather play with garbage than expensive toys.) and legit sticks.  I remember when I was little, my parents used to always tell me not to play with sticks...so I think I'm supposed to be concerned about her preference of toy, but to tell Pennie she can't play with sticks would require some sort of Come-To-Jesus with our furry animals in the house...

These "sticks" are a piece of our now broken fridge and an ice scraper...Girl knows how to improvise!
4. She Sleeps Better in a Dog Bed:
First off, don't judge me...we have a unique living arrangement in our home.  My youngest sis currently resides with us in our home.  Since she is living in our second bedroom, our bedroom is shared with Pennie.  We've been having sleep issues since she was born, but I've been chalking it up to the fact that her screaming body is five feet away from my face...so the whole CRY-IT-OUT crap, doesn't always work when Mom & Dad need to sleep.  So, the nights that Pennie has actually slept through the night (which we can probably count on one hand) are few and far between.  Recently, she has also Hulked up some serious muscle and has figured out how to climb OUT of her crib.  Having this motherly instinct to protect my child, it leads to many restless nights since every stir I hear I think she's escaping, so for the most part when Pennie goes down for the night, I'm usually pretty quick to follow. A few months ago we visited my Sister in Cincinnati.  We forgot to take our pack & play and had just planned on keeping Pennie in bed with us, but when Pennie snoozed out, Mom & Dad wanted to stay up and hang out...but we couldn't just sleep her on a bed without something to guard her....so her new Puppy Cousin Mulligan was kind enough to share her dog bed with Pennie.  Pennie nestled up in Mulli's dog bed was the best sleep of Pennie's life...she didn't wake up once!  Since that day, I have seriously contemplated spending the $60 on a microfoam dog bed for my child...Yes. I'm losing my mind.
Since I don't have a picture of Pennie in a dog bed, here's another pic of her with her ears...

5. Downward Facing DOG is her Favorite Yoga Pose:
Nuff Said.

6. She "BARKS" at Traffic or People When They go by our House:
Pictures also speaks for itself. 

7. Some of her FIRST FOODS were dog food:

The list could seriously go on and on:  Would rather cuddle with dogs than humans, plays with dog leashes instead of baby toys, chews on shoes instead of teething rings, starts growling when the dogs bark...Thankfully, our dogs, seem for the most part, to like her...or they have just learned to tolerate her.  But there couldn't be something cuter than her little pudgey baby-ness curling up with her buds.  LOVE IT!
Not Shown: Baby Sheldon (our other dog) - he is still unsure of whether or not he likes Pennie. Shown Above: Hurley & Pennie - His heart caved. So did mine :)