It was a chilly summer day that I was rocking my one piece lifeguard suit in the NACC pool teaching my little man, Jack, how to swim. Being a frigid day in the pool, you gals can relate, I was doing one of my trademark moves...hunch down in the water so nothing but your head is breaching the surface. My T-H-O was NOT something I needed to share with my swimming lesson OR his parents. "Ok Jack, now JUMP off the steps and start scooping those M&M's and swim towards me, I PROMISE I'll catch you." (I will admit, I had some pretty good kid analogies for teaching the breaststroke.)
Here comes the little red headed monster swimming towards me under the water. I'm pretty pleased with him as he is listening to directions REALLY well. As I prepare myself to give him an enormous amount of praise when I catch him, his little hands reach out to me and glide RIGHT past my arms as he grabs two handfuls of my knockers!! He explodes out of the water and screams to the entire club membership "MISS LISA!! Guess what?! I GOT YOUR MEATBALLS!!!"...Well...you most certainly did and my face is officially as RED as my bathing suit. The remainder of our lesson no matter how many times I said "scooping M&M's only, FORGET about the meatballs..." because of the reaction he got from the audience he spent his remaining 45 minutes of his lesson trying to molest me.
At that moment I decided this job is the best and cheapest form of birth control a girl could ask for, and I WILL NOT be having children in this lifetime. So 4 years later when I'm sitting on the toilet staring at a pink stick with a plus sign, saying I'm pregnant, my head was spinning and instantly flooding with memories of being molested by club kids in the pool. I started crying. (Yes. I cried when I found out I was pregnant. Don't judge me, it happens.) I was in such hysteria I woke Tommy up in the middle of the night sobbing my eyes out and made him call my mom because I was such a blubbering idiot. Tommy made us wait until 5am to call her, so when we called her to tell her our "news" and she could hear my wailing in the background she instantly started CRACKING UP and just kept saying "This is going to be great and YOU are going to be the best parents EVER."
My mom kept telling me "God gives you 9 months to prepare yourself for becoming a Mother, isn't that great?". I kept saying "Yeah, when I'm not puking, or having heart palpitations over 140 BPM maybe I can start preparing..." I had 9 anxious months of sickness and no sleep and I just kept thinking 'What if my kid tries to grab her swim instructors boobs!?' or 'What if my kid tries to depants her camp counselor?!' or 'What if my kid poops her pants in the pool and the club has to call a code brown?!' (yes all of those things happened...) For 9 months I was so nervous of the unknown. I was never planning to make babies...how do I do this!?
Then 9 months ago, after 21 hours of "labor" (Stupid Pitocin. YOU are a female dog.) my Sweet Pennie was born. I had to have an emergency C Section, so I couldn't see anything happening but could hear everything. When Pennie was born and I heard her cry, I started sobbing. I was so happy she was ok and she was finally with me. After I got stitched up and moved to the recovery room they brought Pennie & Tommy to me and I was so happy and full of crazy emotions. All moms speak of this instant connection and bond and I couldn't imagine it until experiencing it myself. But it is so real. And after 9 months of looking like I ate a beach ball and feeling like I ate a smart car (see above photo) I couldn't believe this little bundle of baby could make me so content...AND SHE CAME FROM ME!?
So here we are 9 months post baby, with approximately 10 GB of baby photos (I know this, because I just had to order another SD card to store all my photos) I have no free time to myself, or free hands for that matter, and I wouldn't change a thing. I stare at Pennie every day and think she is such a blessing and so amazing. And to all the preggies who are spending your last solo days prepping your nursery and writing your birth plan -- CUT IT OUT! Have a cup of coffee and put your feet up. I feel like I didn't do anything right during my pregnancy and Pennie couldn't be more perfect.
So yesterday as Tommy and I were taking our evening stroll with Pennie and the dogs, I was daydreaming that maybe someday she'll sleep through the night, and maybe someday she'll take naps, and maybe someday she'll be still and cuddly like other babies we see...and Tommy quickly reminded me that I refuse to take naps, I don't sleep through the night and I don't like sitting still when things need done. Sounds like she's her Mother's Daughter. So watch out world! Another 9 months from now, I will have a sidekick in my crafting, reading, cooking extravaganzas...and once she learns how to talk don't plan on being able to get a word in edge wise around the two of us.
Just imagine her giving a peace sign here. If she knew how to work those motor skills in her sweet, chubby little fingers, she would! Instead she's showing off her awesomely, ADORABLE smile (and her pretty gums).
